Happy Birthday!

We are a going to be a family of five in two weeks time. Coincidentally, our birthdays fall within 6 weeks of each other. X's birthday falls on the last week of October, DH and my birthdays are two weeks after that (3 days difference), we are expecting our baby girl two weeks after our birthday and W's birthday is approximately two weeks after our baby's expected delivery date!

Every year we try to spend our birthdays together, normally around DH and my birthday. This year, as DH's birthday fell on a long weekend, we decided to spend our weekend relaxing at a nearby hotel as I could not travel far, with my big tummy and all.

We ended up going to a lakeside hotel, booking a lake-view room with balcony through the internet. A blunder in the hotel's system caused us our room for the night, the rooms being fully booked by a big group. The good people in the hotel decided to upgrade us to a suite, with a bigger balcony, facing the lake. The suite came equipped with two TVs and a sophisticated coffee machine. What a birthday present!

However, when we tried to take bath at night, we found that the hot water in the bathroom was not working. After waiting for the housekeeping staff for more than half an hour, we decided to take bath with the cold water. Luckily for us, the water was not that cold, because it has been naturally warmed by the sun.

On the second day there, we went to the cinema and shopping centre nearby the hotel. Then, we lazed around the pool. The children, enjoying themselves, playing in the pool, while DH and I read and snoozed. As I could no longer fit into my swimsuit, I decided to try the jacuzzi in our room later in the evening. Alas! To my dismay, the jacuzzi was not working. However, the hotel staff had fixed the hot water, so at least we had hot water to use on our second day there.

Again, we lazed around the hotel in the evening. And on the third day, after breakfast, we walked around the place, admiring the scenery and the serene tranquility that gave us peace of mind, refreshing ourselves before our baby's arrival in two weeks time.

Next year, there will be five of us, celebrating our birthdays together....

I Am Still A Nice Girl

Few days ago, I decided to consciously be a bitch in order to solve my current issue. As I am someone who always run away instead of facing any impending issue heads-on, I have been playing out the scene that I want to act out throughout the last few days. This is to prepare myself for my confrontation today.

However, this morning, by the grace of God, I am saved from being a bitch. I was not given the chance to confront my adversary. When I told DH about my plan, he asked me not to worry too much and he will and has taken care of the situation. He will monitor the situation and take charge of everything while I can give birth to my baby peacefully and have a good rest. His love and protectionism have put me at ease, at least temporarily, with the current situation. Let us just hope that there will be no nasty surprise when the time comes.

Now I can be at peace and start my countdown to the day I welcome my baby girl. May God bless her and let her have an easy entrance to this world.

3 more weeks to D day....

Nice Girls Finish Last

When we were much, much younger, we were always taught that girls are sugar and spice and all things nice. We are to be seen, not to be heard. We are taught to behave ourselves, be nice and try to bear with anything and everything that comes our way, be it good or bad.

Now, in the new millennium, everything has changed with the stress on human rights and equality. Everyone has their own rights. Even babies and children have their rights. We just need the chance and courage to fight for our rights. We start to see phrases like "nice girls finish last" and "nice girls don't get the corner office' start to crop up on books and everywhere, encouraging us to fight for our rights and whatever we fancy.

What happen to offering your left cheek when you are being slapped on the right? So, should I, a person who shun conflicts, also fight for my rights and needs? Or should I give in to Providence and hope for the best when it comes to defending my rights? When all soft options like pleading and begging fail, should I proceed to be a bitch and fight for my rights? A good reason to have the last fight is that the fight is not even for my own benefits alone. I would say it will be for the benefits for almost everyone involved, save for one person. Should I give up the fight for this one person?

Since I really want to have the best arrangement for my family and myself, I have decided to open my golden mouth and try this last card on my hand. I pray that God will give me the courage and opportunity to face my adversity to lay out whatever is in my mind in the hope that things will turn my way. I hope that with this move, my family will be at ease for the rest of the year. After all, I am fighting for our rights to enjoy our lives to the fullest, right?

However, no matter what is the outcome, I am sure and glad that we will come out of this well and alive. No matter what happen, I am assured by DH's presence and love for me and our family. In the midst of things, we are assured of one thing. We will definitely emerge from this current issue stronger and more united as we know that...

LOVE CONQUERS ALL!

Mother is the Greatest?

Human beings are complicated beings. More so if the person is from the half of the human species known as woman. So, can complicated women be good mothers? Women who think the world revolves around them? Women who think the world owes them a living? Women who are selfish? Or rather, self-centred women, to put it mildly. Women who thinks that the world is just about money, money, and money?

Of course, we should not judge a book by its cover. Everyone who does anything will have their own reasons and objectives? Some actions that we deem self-centred may even be attributed to their past. Even if someone who made a seemingly selfish decision may have a more magnanimous reason behind the decision that we may not know of.

Some self-centred women are lucky enough to have their offsprings and relatives to bear with their demands and wants even if it is unreasonable and inconsiderate. Some are even so lucky that the offsprings that they left behind were so well educated that they feel it is wrong to ignore their mothers, just because they are known as mothers. Are not mothers the greatest being on earth?

So, women can just get away with anything by acting like a victim and be pitiful enough for their families to care for them? Especially when those women are mothers? Can mothers get whatever that they want even if they do not care for anyone and anything else in this world except themselves? Can mothers use their children as excuses to get what they want? Must children bear with their mothers just because it is a magnanimous title known as Mothers? So, just by carrying a baby and giving birth to him/her makes the child owe the mother for a whole lifetime?

It is especially confusing for us, when we are children and mothers at the same time. As children, we have to respect and love and do whatever we can for our mothers no matter who and what they are. We are being taught from Day 1 that mothers are the greatest. And we are brought up to understand that mothers will do everything and anything for their children. Women can even change to be better persons for the sake of their children. So, we have to do whatever we can for our children. But, in this modern world, everything is about me, me and me. Are there anymore women who really care for their children without expecting any returns and without any hidden motives?

As I am going to be a mother for the third time, I hope and pray for great wisdom to be a good if not a great mother and child. As a prayer goes:

God,
Grant me
The serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can, and
The wisdom to know the difference.

What is the Main Priority?

I do not know if it is my upbringing or my characteristics that make me this way. Throughout my life, I thought that the first priority in your life is your health, sleep, diet, hygiene and manners. You got to eat first, have enough sleep, take care of your personal hygiene and manners before you proceed to do the things that you want or like to do. You do not go around the house doing the things you want to do without first brushing your teeth and washing your face and having your breakfast, right?

Then, why do I get to live with people who do just that? Eating and sleeping and personal hygiene is not even in the top three priority? The main priorities are play, play and play, TV and computers, and play, play and play? How do you keep playing if you do not have enough sleep? How do you keep playing if you do not have food to fuel your energy? How do you keep on playing if your breath and body smell? To think that the only thing that motivate them to take care of their personal hygiene is when they think that the monster (a.k.a. mommy) will not let them play if they do not first complete their 'tasks'!

I have done all I can to make them realize the importance of my priority over theirs. I have scolded, shouted, reminded, gave advice, gave scientific explanations, threatened, ignored, everything that you can think of. All to no avail. What can I do now? Arrggh!

I am beyond caring now. I have to go back into my own small shell and ignore everything. The more I care the more I feel frustrated.

Gotta see nothing, hear nothing, do nothing....

Nothing Day

Today my children celebrate Children's Day in school. I, at home, am celebrating Nothing Day.

No electricity
No mood
No feelings
No housework
No doing laundry
No ironing
No cooking
No going out
No communications
No TV
No radio
No internet
No games playing
No one to talk to
No idea on what to do
No place to go to
No privacy
No Braxton's Hicks (hopefully)

Today is also the first day of the last month of my baby staying in my tummy. According to the internet, she could be borne anytime now. Hope she will stay there as long as possible, till the end of her gestation period.

Nothing to write
Nothing to do
Nothing to expect

Just drowning in a pool of nothingness today.

Happy Nothing Day!

Bad Bad Dream

I have always liked dogs. On the other hand, I loath cats and scared of them when I see them on the streets. When I was pregnant with X, I always dreamed of cats biting me and I had to fight the cats, prying open their jaws as they bit my arms.

According to the dream dictionary, a dream of cat attacks symbolizes that you are feeling vulnerable. Maybe X was my first pregnancy, so I was feeling vulnerable throughout my pregnancy as I had the same dreams quite often.

I did not had any bad dream of attack when I was pregnant with W.

This time round, I thought I was free from any attack dream until yesterday night. I had a bad night yesterday. Hot weather with lots of mosquitoes did not make a good night sleep. Right after I fell asleep however, I dreamed of dogs biting me. Dogs, of all animals!

I thought dogs are supposed to be your best friend and more loyal than human. A check in the internet this morning depict the dream as a betrayal by someone you trust since dog is supposed to be a loyal animal and it turn to bite you. Or can I interpret it fear of betrayal by someone whom I trust?

I have been a careful person who surround myself with walls few inches thick and I do not trust people easily or put my whole trust in any one person for fear of betrayal. However, due to my pregnant self, reluctantly, like it or not, I have to rely on the people around me.

Hmm, so who will betray me now?

Bed Talk

DH is travelling again. This time for 3 days 2 nights. As much as the boys and I miss him, the boys actually enjoy sleeping with me. Normally, I let the boys sleep first while I watch TV till the wee hours of the mornings. However, due to the cool attitude that I have been treating the boys recently, I decided to go to bed together with the boys. Err, actually another reason is I have been cleaning the house and ironing the clothes in the morning and afternoon, and my back is killing me!

I did not realize that three of us talked for more than an hour. For the first time, during school days, I did not mind the boys sleep at 11pm. We enjoyed talking to one another, about their school life, life in general, health, diet, etc. X even had a chance to feel the baby kicking me, finally! He was so excited when he felt the strong kicks.

In the midst of enjoying our conversation, my good boys even managed to send good night messages to their father. Hmm, indeed my boys are growing up fast. And at times like this, I always think that I really DID made the right choice to stay home with them, giving up my jobs and all. They are really growing up to be good boys.

May they enjoy and appreciate their lives as they grow older and more mature.

Happy Birthday to X

Yesterday was X's birthday. I have been telling him for the past week that he could choose whatever he wants to have for lunch and dinner. He could even invite his friends to join him for both meals. This is considered a birthday present for him since we did not get anything for him this year because we have bought the Prince of Persia Lego set for the boys this year and it is considered an early birthday present since it is expensive and exceeds our toy's budget for the year.

As X is an introvert boy, he did not tell any of his friends about his birthday. He only told our upstairs neighbour about it since he was trying to ask the neighbour to buy a Lego present for him.

Knowing him as someone who does not put any importance on food, he decided to have leftover black bean soup and rice for lunch! When coaxed to invite his friends for dinner, he decided on our two neighbours and chosen McDonald's because they can go to the playground after that. He did not want to go to TGIF's for fear that the staff will sing birthday song to him.

When I accompanied the four boys to McDonald's for dinner, I was being left alone immediately after they finish their meals. I wondered how I managed to keep a tight rein on the four active youngsters in the first place. As they were enjoying themselves at the playground, I was being left alone to enjoy my magazine and needlework. I tried playing one of X's friend's Nintendo DS but I could not even get pass the start screen since everything was written in Korean.

Giving up any attempt to play any electronic games, I finally asked the boys to leave the place since I tried to catch The Amazing Race Asia later on TV. On the way home, I asked X to choose a birthday cake. The expensive cake he chose was left to melt, though, when we reached home, after we sang the birthday song. Can you believe no one wants to eat the cake because their appetite is poured into their games?

The four boys again continue their play until the respective friends' parents threatened them to go home. Even after his friends went home, X and W continued to play and built their new Lego. Sigh! I tried to be more lenient just because it was his birthday and he wanted to enjoy it to the fullest. According to his words.

Just this once.

Pre-Natal Blues

We heard of post-natal depression, but is there really a pre-natal depression? If there really is one, I prefer to call it pre-natal blues, as it sounds less daunting.

I have been feeling really low for the past few weeks. Waves of lowly and negative emotions washed over me on and off. Even though good feelings are still there, somehow the bad feelings started to take over them little by little.

Unbeknown to me, the negative feelings started to envelope me until I feel so sick the past two days. I felt like I was and still am enveloped in a dark cloud. I felt so bleak that all activities I enjoyed so far has been abandoned. All houseworks have been put to the last minutes or until I could no longer bear the sight of dirty laundries and house. My needlework is slowed down. The excitement has ebbed. My cooking has dwindled and it got from bad to worse.

The only thing that took my mind now is the senseless clicking of my mouse when I played computer games. Somehow, I seek comfort in the sound of the mouse and the sight of the rats in the game.

I realized that even my family and social life are taking a beating from my blues. It happened yesterday night when my boys wanted to watch a movie before their bedtime. W even had the good sense to decide on fixing their bedtime at 9.30pm, but the monster in me was in such a dark mood that I spewed angry and sarcastic words at them before storming into my bedroom. Feeling of immediate guilt did not help to ease my blues, especially after the boys went into their room dissatisfied. Even DH is not spared from my bad mood. Usually I would send DH off to work with a kiss and a hug. Since the past week, I felt so bogged down by my feelings that I decided to stay in bed and did not send him off. I only get off the bed after he went to work.

The social recluse in me took the extreme turn too. I usually enjoyed going out on my own in the mornings to run errands. But I have been putting off my errand running for the past week and my fridge is already running empty. I had rather go without fruits than going out in the sunshine. I met my primary school friends in Facebook and we decided to meet up for lunch. I regretted the decision once it has been made as actually I prefer to stay at home, in my own cocoon. I do not even feel like contacting or talking to anyone for the past few days, unless it is necessary. The call to my grandmother has been put off for two whole weeks with myriad excuses of its own.

The blues got so bad that I lost track of the dates and days of the week. There was even a scary moment that I doubt how big is my pregnancy. I need to constantly check the calendar to make sure I have the right day and date. Today is Tuesday and I need to fetch X at 1.15pm instead of 12.45pm, right? There was a day when I went to school half an hour earlier and I was stuck in the traffic jam together with other parents, which helped in dampening my moods further.

But then again, if someone is feeling the blues, will they notice it? Since I have noticed all my negative feelings, maybe it is a wake up call for me to get out of them.

So, what is the next move to rise from the dark cloud to one with silver lining?

Unsolicited Advice

It is a time of unwanted stress when you have to deal with human relations and issues, especially when it is during a time when you need a human help most. To make matters worse is when the human relations issue involved someone I am legally obligated to and that person is my lover's love.

I am sandwiched in between my own needs and comfort and my lover's needs and responsibilities towards his loved one. On top of that, my lover is also sandwiched between his love for both of us. Any conversations or decisions made between both of us will be sensitive. We are practically treading on thin ice, for fear of inflicting any hurt on each other.

Mindful of being a socially responsible human, I try to accommodate to the situation until the last minute, when I need to protect myself and my baby. If push come to shove, I would need to be the bad guy after the birth of my baby as I need to have a good rest for at least a month after that. On top of that, I am hoping that my decision not to put my foot down will not cause me great distress during my one month of confinement. Praying that by being socially responsible, I would have the peace of mind of being well taken care of during the critical period of one month. I hope that there will not be any disturbances or ontoward event that will jeopardize my time to recover from childbirth.

Being aware and very mindful of the current situation is already putting my hair at ends. It does not help that helpful family members try to give their two cents worth and concerns regarding my situation. Whoever does not know that I need to take care of myself and my health first, but I need to also put myself in other peoples' shoes, as a person's sons, and as a person's mother. Unbeknownst to my beloved family member that by thinking their are helping with their advice and concerns that they are putting more stress and pressure on me to do something.

However, being a person who always try to avoid conflict, I will try to take the situation heads-on one day at a time. I do not want to waste my time planning and strategizing a happy-ending solution, especially when I need other people's help and action in my plan. Now I am trying to envelope myself in my own coconut shell, without taking care of the current situation for as long as I can.

Let God help maneuver me out of this sticky situation....

Eat And Read NOT Eat Or Read

Like it or not, my sons, especially X, inherited a bad, bad habit from me. Worse of all is he is taking it to the extreme end, even surpassing my record.

I started reading and having my meals at the same time ever since I was in secondary school. I always took my own sweet time to have my lunch while reading story books. At one point in time, it was so extreme that I read when I was taking my bath. Up till today, I still eat and read if I am having my meals alone, especially breakfast and lunch. I even read when I'm having breakfast with my children. Sad to say that sometimes this hinder our communications because all three of us will be having our breakfast and reading at the same time.

However, I usually finish my meals quite fast even though I eat and read at the same time. Things are different with X. He is a slow eater in the first place but when he starts reading, he tends to stop chewing his food and he will be so mesmerized by what is in his book that he usually takes more than 1 hour to finish his food! By the time he finish is almost time for snack or supper.

I always get so frustrated with his eating habit that I always shout at him to read and eat and not read or eat. I even set a time for him to read and eat. If he could not finish his food by the stipulated time, he needs to put down his book and and pick up his spoon. Things come to a crazy end when one day I accidentally told him:

PLEASE READ, DON'T EAT!!!!

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

I realized that I have a new neighbour in our block. Nope, I have not seen our new neighbour yet. How do I know I have a new neighbour?

Well, I smell them. To be more accurate, I smell the smoke from his cigarette every time I go into my bathroom.

My bathroom used to smell nice, smell of my toiletries and stuff. It used to be my sanctuary, a place for me to freshen up. Now, every time I go into my bathroom, all I smell is stinking smoke. Even a few minutes of doing my big business is a torture in that room.

How do I overcome this issue? I could not possibly confront my new neighbour, as legally he still smoke in his home. It is just that hot air goes up, and it goes to my bathroom. And no, I would not like to use any other bathroom in the house, even if my tummy has outgrown the shower cubicle.

Sigh! Guess I have to choose the right time to go into my bathroom.

The time when my neighbour is not smoking.

Girl = Princess?

Recently, I bought two Barbie dolls as a gift to two girls, aged 5 and 9 respectively. Both girls like the dolls, if not crazy about them. I believe the feeling of wanting a Barbie doll by all girls stemmed from all the Barbie movies that we watched as well as the endless bombarding of advertisement around us to be like a princess or Barbie, with perfect face, hair, and clothes.

In this modern world, are we relating being feminine to acting like a princess and owning a Barbie-like appearance? Is Barbie just a phase of our favourite toy which will pass when we grow older? Will we be so obsessed to be like Barbie, that we always try to accessorize ourselves and improve our appearance so as to be more like Barbie? Are there any other girls' toys that is not related to Barbie or princess that is more mind and character building that will accompany us in the rest of our life's journey?

What happen to real feminism? What happen to needlework? What happen to being ladylike? Why nowadays our girls are not being taught needlework from young age? Cross-stitch, knitting, crochet, embroidery, tatting, etc. seem so outdated nowadays compared to Barbie and princesses. Well, can we not based these needlework lessons on Barbie and princesses?

Even lessons to be ladylike take a backseat, way behind our goals of getting good results during our school days, learning new skills that is supposedly beneficial to us and aiming for material things in our lives. What happen to girls who are taught to stand straight, walk straight, sit and talk properly and control ourselves with proper mannerism? Are these basic manners also considered outdated and not applicable in this modern world?

In this changing world, I really do not know how to teach and educate my baby girl to be a 'proper' person. Should I let Barbie and princesses rule her world or should I be more strict on basic mannerism? Should I refrain myself from introducing her to any Barbie dolls, like I did with my boys with guns, as they are not of much value and shallow? Hmm, I will need to plan and strategize on what to teach my baby girl for the next 6 years, before releasing her to the real world.

In the meantime, no Barbie present for my girl, please.... Thank you.

Needy Needlework

Don't know why these few days I am really, really addicted to my needlework. I can't seem to tear myself away from my 3 current projects. Even as I am working on my projects, my mind is already thinking of starting new projects. I even abandon my plan to bake every Friday, just to be with my beloved needlework.

Ignoring all houseworks, cooking, baking, newspapers, books, sleep and computer games, I plunged myself into working on my needlework until I realized that today is first of the month. Hmm, need to stop my cross-stitch for a few hours to update my budget, expenses, and investment portfolios.

Unfortunately for my needlework, once I switched on my PC, I am hooked on another addiction. PLAYING GAMES! Sigh! There goes my few hours. And, horror of horrors, I am doing this at the expense of doing my laundry and cooking.

So sorry that DH and the boys have to settle for mee hoon soup tonight for dinner. I have given up cooking new food and baking new things for them to try. All meals are reduced to steamed and boiled food with rice. I hope that they will bear with me, hahaha.

Will tear myself away from all the lazy and unproductive stuff that I do after I pamper myself for the next three months, the final month being my confinement and honeymoon with our new baby.

New plan with new resolution and new tight-assness will begin in the new year 2011!!!

Chronic Lack of Sleep

This whole week is a very sleepy week. Is it because age is catching up or is it because my baby is catching up in my tummy?

I slept only about 3 hours on Sunday. Monday morning was a rush, with sending DH off, sending X to school and sending W to tuition. I got a short cat nap before noon, but it was not enough. Tuesday's plan to go grocery shopping was foiled when it rained in the morning and I went back to sleep till noon!

I couldn't catch up on my sleep on Wednesday as the cleaning lady was buzzing around my house. And when I tried to sleep at night, dear baby was kicking and playing happily with daddy till the wee hours of the day. It doesn't help that she woke up as early as me this morning when I tried to open my heavy lids in the heavy morning rain. She sure is a very active girl, needing as little sleep as possible in mommy's tummy. But then again, she usually sleeps in the afternoon when mommy is moving about.

So, today's plan to go shopping for some last minute stuff was foiled again when I fell asleep till late morning. I managed to complete half of my shopping list with most of the other half left untouched.

Seems like the endless naps that I have taken could not make up for the lack of sleep on Sunday. What should I do? Catch up on my sleep over the weekend.

Hmm, looking forward to Saturday....

Confession of a Guilty Conscience

I love my dear husband (DH) very much. However, sometimes I cannot stop myself from hurting him. As it is, I am a very private and introvert person. I do not mind helping and be friendly with people, but I am a hermit when anything or any issue touches my personal things or space.

Last Friday, I have a house guest who is supposed to stay at our home for a month. I was already having nightmare even before she bought her air ticket. A check in the internet asked me to treat her like how I treat other house guest, but how do I do it when she is unpredictable? Upon arrival, her announcement of her intention to stay for a year almost gave me a heart attack!

Being a bad host, I was already feeling apprehensive after one night having her in our house. She is staying in the room where DH put his clothes. After one night, she took all of DH's empty clothes hangers and claimed them as her own. Who is to be blamed except for myself who fell behind in my ironing. She also took all my photo frames and dumped them out of the room and removing my plant, replacing it with her own things. So I took my stand the next morning by moving the plant back to its original place and put my photos in the store room.

As my guest tried to make herself comfortable and claimed the house as her own, I tried not to voice my discomfort to DH. Especially when this week is his busy week and most of all, she is his first love. Like it or not, one thing both of us have in common is we love him and he loves us. And the similarity ends there. Maybe the conflict or rather discomfort between myself and my house guest stem from our common trait.

Unfortunately all my restraint came to a halt when I told her to go stay at her daughter's house. She thought I tried to chase her away, of course I am, but I did not lie when I told her that her daughter invited her to stay. I do not know why she preferred to stay with us than her daughter even though our relationship is nothing to talk about. Anyway she told DH about it, hoping to expose my lie. I am blessed that her daughter called today to extend her invitation again. However, she agreed to stay there only for a few days, as she wants to come back and reclaim my home, haha.

I am ashamed to say that I failed not to involve DH in my vendetta. When his first love put her things into my needlework box, I immediately told her not to put her things in my house as I do not have enough storage space and I need to move around frequently. As I am always the only one who are packing our things, I could not afford to let her keep her things at my home. Furthermore, her daughter has bought a house and reserve a room for her. THAT should be her house.

On top of that I asked her to keep the scissors that she took from my kitchen. It being a kitchen scissors are rendered unsuitable to be used in the kitchen again after she took it to cut her things which are not of food items. I told her I would just buy a new scissors for my kitchen.

Maybe the communications that I had with her offended her that she decided not to come home the next day until DH is home. I do not know if she did it on purpose to spite me but she claimed that she forgot to bring the door access card and her mobile phone. As DH needed to work till midnight, she stayed out till he was home. It made me so worried that I have no other choice but to send a message to DH at his office and tell him about our fallout.

When DH brought her home at midnight, I just stayed in the room for not wanting to see her. At the same time, I was really, really ashamed to face DH for putting him in a difficult position again, even though she will only be visiting for a month. There and then, I decided not to communicate with her again. I think non-communication is better than miscommunication.

Now that she has gone to her daughter's house for a few days, I have time to think through what has been going on for the past few days. Maybe it is just me and my personality that is preventing me from having a good relationship with her. As of today, I am a very happy and contented person, except for this area of my life.

Guess I have to psycho myself to accept my fate and accept her into my life, as tough as it is. I should accept the fact that by loving DH and choosing him as my life partner, I have to also accept what comes together as a package. And to acknowledge that without her, there will not be him. Of course, bearing in mind, he can afford to give me up anytime in favour of his first love. And I cannot afford this. My life is already too much intertwined and revolves around him to be separated from him.

Hmm, maybe I should start reading the Book of Ruth for more inspiration and motivation to overcome this part of my life.

Yoga Mama

I bought the yoga CD months ago, during my early pregnancy. It has been sitting on the shelf, untouched, unopened, still wrapped in its plastics. At long last, on the first day of my third trimester, I tried to follow the yoga moves on the CD.

Surprisingly the moves on the yoga CD were quite easy to follow, even for someone who is heavily pregnant. I did not feel tired after the exercise, but at night, for two consecutive nights, I was sleeping like a pig. The word insomnia did not even exist in my dictionary.

Since I am grossly overweight, I am hoping that the yoga exercise together with my morning walks and stairs climbing will help me to control my weight gain for the last three months of my pregnancy. On top of that, I have altered my diet to eat less carbohydrate. And eating cereal in the morning make me full till late afternoon where my lunch and tea break is taken together as a meal instead of two.

Since I would be surpassing my target weight gain of 10kg, I am praying that I will not surpass the 15kg mark. The last two pregnancy weight gains were 11kg and 13kg respectively. Maybe, just maybe my body is gearing up to feed a lot of breast milk this time round.

For as long as possible....

Happy Baby, Fatty Mommy

Today, I am officially 28 weeks pregnant and going towards my final trimester of the pregnancy.

According to baby center, the average weight gain at this moment is 5kg and for the first time in my life, I am way above average. I have gained a total of 8.5kg! What do I do? How do I control my weight gain for the next three months? I don't know! As far as I know I have done all I can to control the weight gain but it seems such a huge incontrollable monster.

As mommy is gaining weight, so is baby starting to build fat around her body, gearing up to be ready to be born by end of November. She can open her eyes now and follow the light if we shine a torchlight at mommy's stomach. That is according to the baby center website, at least. We have not tried that though.

What we did try was daddy trying to tap mommy's tummy when dear baby was kicking around. To our surprise, she responded to daddy's tap by tapping from the inside of mommy's tummy. And so the tap dance between daddy and baby started, through mommy's tummy. In the middle of the night! Till mommy said enough is enough and mommy needed to sleep.

As we have two boys, we are faced with a new challenge of raising a baby girl. We bought a book specifically to guide us on what a baby girl is like. It is truly that a baby girl is different from a baby boy from the moment she is conceived. Looks like we need to get more books on baby girl to empower us to educate and raise her well.

And mommy needs to learn to be more gentle....

Censored Census

A population census is done every few years to determine the country's demographic pattern and to assist the existing government in planning the development of the country to benefit its people of all ages. A census done properly throughout the country will bring good to the people of the country through proper planning to improve the people's lives.

Unfortunately, a census that is done half-heartedly does not bring any good to the people. Not only it is a waste of everyone's time, worse of all, it also wastes taxpayers' money. According to one of the taxpayers, where is the KPI?

When I first received the census form from the enumerator, I wholeheartedly filled out all the information and handed it back to him. It was a long-drawn and boring process, but I did it in full belief that the information will be made to good use. However, I felt so cheated when I heard of all the news surrounding the current census. I did not know why I bother to fill in the information in the first place.

Was there inadequate planning for the census to be carried out in a thorough manner? Or is it the lackadaisical attitude of the enumerators that cause the census' information to be accurate? There are complaints of people waiting at home whole day till the end of the census period, but no enumerators show up. A phone call to the census centre is met with answering machine. Enumerators who showed up at the doorstep did not make the effort to ask all the questions in the census form. Mostly asked three or four questions and attempt to fill up the rest of the form on their own. Some of the just stick the yellow cardboard on residents' door without performing the censues. So, where is the authenticity of the answer submitted to the government then?

It does not help that part of the census is done during the fasting month where everything and everyone is moving slower by 50%. Of course, not all blame can be pushed to the government department. The enumerators are part-timers who may not put their whole heart into the job. Some of the even quit halfway, forcing the supervisors to perform the census themselves.

And to think that those who complain are people who hope that the information given will help the government to properly plan for the development of the country. What happen to the rest of our countrymen? They not only do not want to cooperate in the census for fear the government trying to get more information that they bargain for. Some even ask their dogs to chase away the enumerators.

Hmm, I wonder how the government will proceed to analyse the census data. At the end of the day, future country development will depend on the census information available. Can we blame the elected few if the development does not reflect the demographic pattern of the country? Or we only have ourselves to blame?

Good luck to the planners!

Confirmed and Certified

That explains it!

For the past five months I am not myself at all. For once, I am more feminine. I feel and act more feminine.

Never in my whole life that I buy flowers for the sake of putting it on the table. I take a second look at my needleworks and continue working at them like it's the end of the world. I talk more softly. I am more sensitive. I cry more easily. I feel more for the people and things around me. I take care more of myself. I take care of my appearance and style. All in all, I am a new me.

Of course, all of the above are the psychological changes that I see within myself. Physically, my pregnancy experience is also different from the first two pregnancies.

I was having nausea for the first three months. I needed to sleep and sleep and sleep. I could not eat rice. All I like to eat are fruits only. After reaching the third months though, all kinds of cravings attack me. I crave all and different types of food that you can think of. I eat and eat until I have passed my target weight. This is also unique to me.

Some of the physical changes that are unique to this pregnancy are my bustline grow a lot bigger and my hips grow in tandem with the weight. I do not look fat yet to some of my friends though since I was small size before I got pregnant. Even though now it is sad that I have grown a size. I am hoping that I will go back to my pre-pregnancy size after the birth of the baby, safe for my breast, hahaha.

One thing that make me happy is that it seems like my face did not change much and did not puff up. I look pretty, if not prettier than my pre-pregnancy face (perasan). My nose did not grow bigger like it did in the first two pregnancies. At first there were pimples on my face which I attribute to my hormones but now my face is as clear as it can get. I don't know if it is due to the hormone level, or my facial, or my new skincare products.

And yesterday, when I went for my monthly check-up, my doctor finally confirm what is obvious to us all along.

We are expecting a baby girl in November!

So, now there is less fear of a middle child syndrome since everyone is different. We have one eldest child, one youngest boy and one youngest girl.

Can't wait to have a first look at our new baby....

Now Everyone Can Fly

Back in the 80s, when we were young, flying to anywhere in the world is a dream to everyone. Anyone who are able to fly anywhere, even a single trip out of our country is deemed a rich person for the price for an air ticket plus the accommodation and expenses in other people's country was beyond our imagination. Most of the people had their first flying experience in their twentys when they go overseas to further their studies.

Thanks to globalization and our own Dato' Tony Fernandes, now everyone can fly. Nowadays, it is just a matter of decision of driving, taking a train, or flying to Singapore from Kuala Lumpur. The most common of people, namely us, can even afford to fly. First-time flying experience is granted to children, or in some cases, even infants.

We plan to drive to Singapore this Saturday, leaving our two boys at my mother's house. The first question W asked my this morning was what time is my flight? Hmm, I should not be surprised by his question, should I? Flying has become so common that the modern children never even think twice of flying. Any flying experience is like a day-to-day experience that is not much to look forward to.

For me, someone who experienced her first flying experience in her twentys, flying is still a fun thing to do, even if it is a fifty minute flight.

Good Morning Teacher!

Yesterday W forgot to bring his tuition file home from school. He decided not to go tuition the next day for fear of being scolded and beaten by his tuition teacher. After much coaxing, we decided to go to school early in the morning to retrieve his file before he attend his tuition class.

So, W had to wake up early in the morning and went to school together with his brother. When we reached the school gate, W was reluctant to go into his classroom to retrieve his file. I even asked the teacher's permission for him to go into the school in his pyjamas! With much coaxing and scolding, he finally went into the school, up the stairs and to his classroom.

As he went into the school, I need to wait by the school gate. Parents are not allowed to cross a certain yellow line at the school compound for security reason. While I waited for him and started to daydream, a school girl started to walk towards me and bow to me! After that she was followed by those students who just arrived at school. I realized that they thought I am one of their school teacher and trying to bow to greet good morning to me. Hahahaha, do I look like a school teacher? In this big belly? I quickly stood to a side before more students bow at me and the real teacher look at me funnily.

And to think that after the embarrassing moment, W came to me and claimed that he did not manage to retrieve his file. He was afraid to go into the class because there a lot of morning session students in the class. He scared they will beat him because they look fierce!

I could not believe he rather took the chance to be scolded and beaten by his tuition teacher then retrieving his file in front of strangers....

Limited Access

I read today's newspaper about us living in a digital world nowadays. No one goes anywhere without anything digital. Mobile phones, iPods, MP3, etc. And when we travel, a part of our luggage has to be reserved for our chargers for our paraphernalia. Needless to say that it is the norm for every home to have an internet access. A day without the internet feels like a day without hands.

Last week, I did not have much access to the internet. M took the HSDPA to work most of the days and I was left high and dry. Having lots of inspiration to write without a place to write them made me almost crazy. In my most inspirational moment, I almost wanted to write the story on a paper first. And after a week of internet-less life, my ideas all dried up, and it takes me a few minutes to take up my keyboard and start 'writing' again.

However, other than the urge to continue blogging, I found that I actually can do without internet in my life, especially when I am with my family. I still read newspaper the traditional way as the boys need to bring old newspapers to school. I seldom google for stuff except for breastfeeding and parenting information, which do not need constant daily internet. I can do it as and when there is internet connection.

The only thing that I always do that need internet connection is when I play games online. And I find it a blessing when I do not have internet connection. Really. It actually free up my time to do the things that I am supposed to do. Suddenly I found that I really, really have the whole morning and afternoon to myself to do whatever I plan to do. Amazing!

Hmm, it is not the internet's fault. It is just the temptation that comes with the access. Maybe I should start cutting my game playing time, so that I have more time to complete my to-do list.

Discipline, discipline! Which I lack....

Coffee, coffee, coffee

I can't live without coffee. The only time I couldn't stand coffee was during the first trimester of my pregnancy. Now, I embrace coffee like my second child. I need to drink a cup of coffee every afternoon on weekdays and every morning on weekends. I could not imagine giving up coffee for anything in this world.

Yesterday, I received a devastating news from my sister. She found out from my sister-in-law that apparently drinking coffee affect the breast milk supply. She herself experienced a less full breast after having a cup of coffee.

No wonder I feel that my bustline slow its growth once I start to drink coffee again after my first trimester. Should I continue drinking without remorse till the baby is born? Or should I stop drinking my coffee this instant?

My first reaction when I heard the news was to indulge in my daily drink as much as I can until the baby is born. I will need to stop my coffee consumption for at least half a year, if not more, when the baby is feeding off me anyway. So, if the baby is breastfeeding for 5 years, do I stop drinking for 5 whole years??? I couldn't believe my ears!

After a good night's sleep, however, I have decided to try going cold turkey and give up my daily cup after today's indulgence. I really, really want to breastfeed my youngest baby for as long as possible. A sacrifice of a daily cup of coffee will not be deemed as too much of a sacrifice. As long as my baby is healthy.

Hmm, to drink or not to drink?

What Anti-Social?

We, as adults, need to take our time to warm up to a new friendship. We need to access if it is safe to open ourselves to a new friend. We need to build a level of trust from zilch. And this takes time. A day, a week, a month, a year. Even when we get to know our neighbours, we will smile at each other for a long time before feeling comfortable enough to talk and be friends.

It is amazing to see our children do not have this issue with their new found friends. Even a relatively shy child quickly warms up to their new friends and be comfortable enough to play in each others' house. They do not have problem deciphering different accent from different countries. They do not have any problem with their friends' skin colours. They do not have any problem with anything, as long as everyone in the group enjoy playing together amiably.

I believe we behaved the same when we were young. So, how and when exactly did we start to shield ourselves from having a fun time with our new friends? Was it the betrayal that we faced as we walk our life's journey? Was it the humiliation that we face from some untactful children? Can we revert to our childhood attitude in getting to know new friends?

Will our children be like us when they grow up? Will they also shed their easy-going mentality and build a wall around themselves when they are getting to know new friends? Just hope that they will enjoy this carefree attitude as long as possible before abandoning their cheerful childishness to be a boring adult.

As for me, maybe I need to wait until I'm in my old age to be like a child again....

Vital Protection

Death and tax is inevitable in our world. In this modern world, another thing is a must. Insurance. We need life and medical insurance once we are born. Not to mention personal and travel insurance. When we start school, the school will send a personal insurance form to the parents to fill up. When we buy a transport, we need the motor insurance, be it basic or comprehensive. When we buy a house, we need fire insurance. When we ship our cargo, we need insurance. When we travel, we need insurance. Insurance, insurance and more insurance.

Try as we might, we couldn't avoid getting insurance protection in our life. What makes it a turn off is when the insurance agents representing different insurance companies will, without fail, start knocking at your doorstep when they realize there is a new potential business. Once you are pregnant, even before the baby is born, the agents start to show their interest in you. At the moment, I already have three potential insurance proposal from three different insurance companies. And my baby is due only in November!

Seem like what I can do at the moment is to delay and reject those proposals, at least until my baby is born. As we have decided to get the insurance from our uncle, I hope to push the heavy responsibility of rejecting people to dear hubby, haha. Seem like I still need to learn to say no to people.

Okay, so the next thing to learn is to say "No"! And that is if my social circle is big enough for me to do that....

Two Sides Of A Coin

This morning, on the way to airport, M and I were commenting how our Korean neighbour is willing to uproot her whole family and relocate to our country without any base or existing business or employment here. They even bought a property here to stay. I was wondering what is in our country that has attracted foreigners to base here when our own people keep criticizing our own homeland and are looking forward to relocate to other country.

After much pondering, we decided that the pull factor of our dear country are the relative lower cost of living compared to other countries. If you are considerably comfortable in the finance side, you will be living quite comfortably in our country. The countrymen's somewhat slower pace of living is also a pull factor for those who want a relatively stress-free life. Somehow, there is a lack of urgency in almost everything that is being done in our country.

On top of that, the relative competitiveness of our countrymen makes other adventurous entrepreneur to venture into our country. It actually creates opportunity for these entrepreneurs to build a good base and business in our country. This is discounting the fact that our country is full of red tapes and somewhat lukewarm responsiveness from all quarters involved in setting up a business.

However, being a non-competitive nation is also a double-edged sword that push visitors and tourists away. When we were queuing to get our breakfast at one of the airport's fast food outlets, we waited for more than 15 minutes for our turn. The person behind us kept shouting that he has a flight to catch and he has waited 10 minutes without any progress in waiting time.

Ignoring our impatient stare, the front-line staff kept serving the first person at the counter. I don't know if they were having difficulty understanding English, but there seemed to be a communication breakdown until the manager needed to step in and the second person in line helped to explain what the customer wanted. On top of the difficulty communicating with customers, the fast food outlet staff seemed to have difficulty customizing customer order and order made for eight persons were completed in ten minutes, which is a century for a fast food outlet record.

When our turn came, the man behind us has left the outlet in full frustration. Even our order was taken at a lackadaisical manner. Seemed like the persons behind the counter have just woken up from their sleep and are not energetic to work. All these attitude despite World Cup season being over. And what is worse is that this not even fasting month yet. I wonder what is the speed of service during fasting month when everyone is weak and hungry.

When people are in true hurry, they really loath to come to our country. Even we ourselves are frustrated by the efficiency of our nation. But what can we do to improve ourselves? We can't just depend on our government. Everyone have to start improving ourselves as an individual, a family unit, and subsequently only as a nation.

How many generations will it take for our nation to move forward instead of backward again?

Truth Prevails

X has a classmate, Y, who is a compulsive liar. It doesn't help that X is a compulsive lie detector. He always come home to tell me what lies Y is telling him. He always try to test whether Y tells the truth or lies by asking questions relating to the subject in question.

Today, I met Y's mother for lunch. I was contemplating to tell her about Y's behaviour. As my son is the whistle-blower, I was reluctant to tell her because I don't want Y to treat my son untowardly when being scolded by his mother for being a liar. However, all situation has its own course.

I went to fetch X before meeting Y's mother for lunch. When we were having lunch and chatting, X blurted out that Y is a liar. He told Y's mother about the lies that Y tells. What is a normal mother's reaction? What is Y's mother's reaction?

To think that she didn't have a surprised reaction at all! And she had the cheek to tell my son that her son is very innocent. That's her exact word. INNOCENT! She told my son that children tend to brag especially when they are being together with friends and they start to compare things. The spirit of 'kiasuism' always exists, even among children.

Even though I agree with her that human are 'kiasu' in nature, shouldn't we as adult, at least try to educate our children not in order to continue running in the human materialism race? The reply and reaction of the mother make me wonder if the child's behaviour and habit were learnt from his parents, either consciously or sub-consciously.

As a mother who is trying hard to teach her children good value, I wonder if I should let X continue his friendship with Y. But then again, he couldn't avoid playing together with Y if there are classmates. And this is just a tip of the iceberg. As X grows up, he will find that there a lot of different types of people in this world. Guess what I can do is just to instill the basic value in X and W, also teach and guide them to choose their friends wisely.

Hope the boy will learn and grow well as they are more exposed to different type of social experiences with or without their parents in the years to come.

Inception

inception: n. beginning.

That is the meaning of inception according to my old faithful Little Oxford Dictionary which I own since I was in my teens.

We went to watch the show of the above title yesterday. The show was about how a group of people trying to plant idea(s) into people's sub-conscious mind when they are asleep. It works like a virus where an idea, be it good or bad, begins in our mind.

I was wondering did God do the same thing in our sub-conscious mind when He created us? Through our genes and DNA? So, can we, as layman, try to plant new ideas to improve or complement whatever ideas that have existed in our genes? Can we do it when our baby is still a mere fetus in us?

If I am demure and feminine, will my baby girl (if she is a girl) be born demure and feminine? If I try to learn and do things that are intelligent, will my baby be intelligent? If I am a tight-a** mom, will my baby be tight-a** too when she is born? If I am hot-tempered, will my baby be a fiery dragon?

After the initial inception through genes and pre-natal stimulations, will the baby be hard-wired to do exactly what has been planted into her? Will we be able to nurture her against what nature has given her? I wonder....

Against all odds, I guess I better behave myself from now onwards, especially since the baby can hear me already. Act demure, control my temper, do all things nice, think all nice thoughts, be more feminine, in case she is a girl....

A Mountain To Scale

It was just last week that I almost cleared all my ironings which dated back to January 2010. I was so happy that at last I managed to conquer this big mountain of ironings.

However, I received a stack of maternity clothings from my sister which I need to wash and iron. This added to the mountain that I need to scale. It did not help that I was not feeling well with my diarrhea beginning of this week. So, this week's clothes waiting to be ironed also piled up. It was real pathetic that I need to iron my son's school uniform early in the morning just before he went to school.

Now that I am feeling better, I will attempt to scale the mountain again today. After my blogging, my baking, my game playing, my needlework, my cooking, etc. Hope I will find time to do it today. And thereafter, the aim is to iron as and when I do my washings so that my mountain of ironings will not be another Mount Everest, making it too difficult to climb.

Go, go, go! Climb! Climb! Climb!

Cost of Bragging

My two first pregnancies were way too easy. They happened when I was still very young. I did not have any pregnancy symptoms or complications. Even both labours were a piece of cake. I always tell everyone that my two boys love me very much.

Fast forward to years later, my sister started to get pregnant, followed by my two sisters-in-law. Some experienced uncomfortable pregnancies, others experienced somewhat long labour. Experiencing those six births by my relatives by the sideline, I always commented, if not bragged that my two pregnancies were the easiest.

After everyone, have given birth to their precious babies, now is my turn to have another baby. 8 years after my W was born. Amidst all the excitement, I experienced nausea, tiredness, unwanted weight gain, big big tummy, and worst of all, diarrhea in the middle of my pregnancy! Is it because I bragged too much to people about my easy pregnancies? Now I have a taste of my own medicine. I get to experience what it feels like to have an uncomfortable pregnancy.

Just hope that this is not my retribution for bragging. Just hope that the pregnancy is different because the baby is a girl. Just hope that I will have an easy labour come November.

And no more bragging from now onwards. Be humble, please.

Gain To Lose

I have just landed myself in deep soup. I did not know why and how. I did not drink too much soup. How on earth did I manage to gain another 2.5kg in just four weeks??? How am I going to stick to my target weight gain of 10kg? That seem like a dream too far off now.

To be fair to me, I did not eat that much to warrant such a tremendous weight gain. I drink a lot but I do not think that I eat a lot. So, what is the game plan to lower the weight gain for the rest of my pregnancy?

The doctor advised me to eat more fruits and vegetables, which I am, fish and meat. She also asked me to reduce my carbohydrate intake, which I can't, because I can't leave without bread. I can live without rice though. Other than that, there is nothing much that I can do , except to exercise, which is getting tougher for me as the baby is getting bigger and heavier.

Let's just hope that my weight gain for the rest of the 18 weeks will be optimal, if not minimal. Let's hope that my weight gain is due to all the water retention, like my sister-in-law's weight gain. Let's hope the baby will be born healthy.

Distorted Message

W was absent from school two Fridays ago. As usual, when he went back to school, there were a lot of homeworks to catch up on. When children at lower primary school were absent from school, not only they will get confused by the amount of homework they get. Sometimes, they have missing books which were taken by their friends or kept by their teachers. The missing books remain missing and the child was blamed for not doing his homework on his MIA book.

So, one week after the absenteeism from school, I received a note from teacher, stating that my poor boy did not do his homework. To my surprise, the choice of words were, "Recently, always did not do homework and did not pass up the book." Considering W has been attending tuition classes, where the teacher also helps with his homework, I did not expect to receive this type of message from the school teacher.

On one end, I don't really believe my son will not complete his homework as he is a responsible boy. On the other end, I was a bit disappointed if the message was true. Hiding my disappointment at my son, I tried to probe him while pretending to take bath for him. All truth exploded out when he was probed gently, without any hint of accusation. Apparently, it was a case of misunderstanding and miscommunication. I promised to meet his teacher on Monday to explain the scenario. On top of that, I wrote a note to inform the teacher of the real story.

Today, when I met the teacher and told her the whole story, she had the cheek to tell me that those were W's absent homework and not his regular homework. And she will try to look for his missing book so that he can proceed to complete his homework. And, being pregnant, I was too slow to react to her statement until I reached home. Hmm, should have told her that she was creating a tsunami by writing "ALWAYS did not do homework." How do you define ALWAYS?

First Half Of The Journey - Completed!

I am officially into the second half of my pregnancy. Today, we are 21 weeks pregnant.

The first 11 weeks went by in a blur. I was sleeping most of the days, having nausea and have a lot cravings for fruits, especially mangoes. Rice was totally out. Cooking was a torture for me. This caused hubby and the boys to have to endure somewhat moderately cooked meals.

Physically, I have been growing from the first day of pregnancy, even without much food. The bust is getting bigger, which is good, and the arms and thigh are becoming thunderous, which is bad. I outgrown all my pre-pregnancy clothes within the first trimester of the pregnancy. Once my nausea was gone and my appetite was back, I gained a whopping 2.5kg within a month! Hope that my weight gain this month will be slower.

Going into the second trimester, I am already feeling like a whale. Even though I am feeling more active and need less sleep as the days go by, I also feel clumsy and lazy to move around, and prefer to sit and face my needleworks whole day. I am doing only the minimum to keep the household functioning. Well, I intend to give in to the laziness and enjoy it for the next 20 weeks. Else, I would have less rest for at least the next 200 weeks after the baby is born, if not more.

Hope the laziness will not turn my hubby off. As it is, I myself am feeling and looking unattractive. The physical appearance may turn hubby off too but I can't help how my body change, can I? Any effort to feel and look like a chick mom is wasted when I look in the mirror and see a big whale. Any reference to me looking like an auntie, be it my look or my dressing, leave me depressed. Don't even talk about the stretch marks that are popping out everywhere throughout my body!

Despite all the physical discomfort and ugliness, I still enjoy the baby kicking me every afternoon, around 3pm, and every night, around 11pm, without fail. The kickings are less intense now, but more consistent. Hmm, I have a feeling the baby will be born at either of these times. Since the baby can hear me now, I need to remind myself to control my voice and temper when talking to the boys so that the baby will not inherit my temper, hehe.

And now, going into the second half of the pregnancy, with the whale getting bigger, we are yet to know if the baby is a boy or girl. The baby is sure a mysterious being, keeping us guessing for as long as possible. A lot of people out there predict that it's a girl, by the look of mummy's tummy. Even dear daddy thinks that it is a girl. No matter boy or girl, we already have a name for the baby. And no expectation here, baby. We will love you no matter you are a boy or a girl.

P/S: Hope we will know the secret by next Tuesday, when we go for our next check up.

Divine Intervention

God helps those who help themselves.

Will God help those who do not believe in Him?
Will God help those who only remember Him when they are in need?
Will God help those who forget Him when they are in good times?
Will God help those who do more harm than good in life?
Will God help those who do not help other fellow human beings?
Will God help those who do not help animals?
Will God help those who do not help to preserve the earth?
Will God help those who are not grateful for His help?
Will God help those who do not ask for His help?
Will God help those who criticize Him?
Will God help those who just sit around and wait for other people to help them?

Will God help an able-bodied person who begs at the entrance of the market, waiting for people to help him?

What We Learn In School

Seem like today our Mr. X learnt something new in school. Something he didn't understand. And the lesson didn't come from teacher.

When I fetched him from school, he casually mentioned that word, and with the wrong intonation. I was shocked to hear that. Trying to mask my surprise, I jokingly asked him what he meant. You should look at his face. He looked so innocent and shrugged his shoulder, saying he didn't know.

Apparently he first heard that obscene word in school. After much probing, he revealed that the word was mentioned by a classmate when they were playing football during Physical Education class.

This shocked mom immediately proceeded to explain the true meaning of that word to her innocent son. When X heard the meaning, he was amazed how his friend can just mentioned the word so casually, as if it is part of his daily vocabulary!

I told him that it is not civilized to mention that word and it is really, really obscene and disrespectful. His father asked me to tell him that it is indeed low-class to mention that word. Also, a word of warning that he will encounter lots of uncivilized words throughout his life, dealing with different type of people. It is up to him to decide whether to include any ugly words in his vocabulary. He needs to make the right choice.

Hope this mom's nag will go into his head and follow him through his life's journey!

Fail To Plan and You Plan to Fail

I used to abide by this rule when I worked. Since it has been almost a decade that I stopped working, does this rule still work in my current life?

As I am a list person, I still list down what I plan to do in my daily life. My housework, administration work (yes, I still have my paper works to do), my reading, my cooking and my needlework. On days where there are no list, I still have a rough plan on what I want to do throughout the week.

What make it difficult to complete what I have planned is my life revolves around three males in the house and they are given priorities above all things. Sometimes, surfing the internet and playing games online also deter me from completing my tasks. These make my plan take a backseat and my plan of things to do will have to wait till the following day or week or month.

Maybe I have been so used to a mundane and slow life that no amount of planning will push me to do the things that I plan. Not without much pushing and shoving. So, even if I succeed in planning, and do not plan to fail, I still fail to execute my plan!!!

So, do I continue to plan and keep a list of things to do till I do them? Even if it is a waste of time? Yes, I will continue to do it just because writing and keeping the list is therapeutic and it makes me think I am important and I have a lot of things to do, haha!

I will continue to plan even though the plan will not guarantee that I will not fail.

Waste of Time

I woke up early in the morning having lots of ideas on what to write.
I spent some time pondering and shortlisting my story.
I logged into my blog.
I wrote and edited and wrote and edited.
I ignored the warning sign that the draft was not saved automatically.
I previewed my writing and reveled in my own creativity.
At one point, I even contemplated whether to publish that controversial story.
I made my decision and clicked the published button.
Something happened.
My unsaved work went blank and unpublished!
That was the end of my story.
I was in total shock.
My creativity juice dried up for the next two days.
Help! I need inspiration to write.....

Worst Food Critics In The World

How do you cook for the world's worst food critics?

Basically, these critics don't like to eat. They don't like meat like beef, pork and even chicken. They don't like seafood other than the occasional fish and prawns. They like some type of vegetables, but not all. They only like to eat white rice and white rice. Maybe accompanied by Marmite. They also like chicken eggs but not quail or duck eggs. What they really, really like are doughnuts, cheese cakes, junk foods and whatever that are not suitable to be served as main dish.

Either a mother with no cooking experience or a Michelin 5 stars chef will not be able to meet their demand. You can say that either they are too demanding or they don't have any demands at all that you don't have any idea what is the right food to cook for them.

Mealtimes are really a hassle, whether these food critics are eating at home or eating out. When they go out to eat, they couldn't decide on which food outlets to go to because there are too few places that meet their taste palates. In the rare cases where they find their favourite haunt, they will need to decide and look for the food that are not rejected by their sensitive stomachs. If the food and the outlet meet their criteria, they will then always go back to the same place to have the same food over and over again until they are bored and ready to look for a new place to eat.

Eating at home is a different story. By eating at home, the critics avoid the hassle of having to think where and what to eat. The food would be laid in front of them during mealtimes. The only hassle and stress fall on the food preparer. Is the preparer making the food ready on the right time? If the timing is wrong, she will have a hard time convincing the critics that it is indeed meal time.

The next task for the preparer is to ensure that the food prepared is of balanced nutrients. And the most difficult part is to ensure the critics like the food or at least willing to eat the food without much fuss. If the food do not suit the critics, they will either complain or totally ignore the food, which will need to be swallowed by the preparer. Bear in mind that the critics may like certain food today and loath them tomorrow. Sometimes the preparer tried in vain to prepare something new which somehow are rejected by the critics when the food are served. At that time, the preparer need to go back to the drawing board to try again.

What a food preparer to do when faced with this type of situation? A less strong person would break down and give up on the toughest job as a food preparer. To be stronger, the food preparer need to take it a day at a time. Keep reminding oneself that it's not the food prepared by her that is not good. Don't take it too personally. Just do her best and prepare the food that she like. At least, if the critics don't like the food, it's their lost. And the food preparer will get to eat the food that she likes!

So, here we go again. Another tough day with the world's worst food critics. Good luck!

Chauffeur Mom

I have been enjoying the life of a non-commuting mom. I just need to cross the road to send the boys to school for the past 2 years. I did not need to send the boys to any tuition or extra curricular classes. No time was wasted on the road, ensnared in the traffic jams. Nor any time wasted waiting for the boys to finish their lessons. Until this week, that is.

W started tuition last week. We arranged with our Korean neighbour to car-pool. Life was easy during the first week. I just needed to prepare W for the day, and off he goes. My lazy life started before 9 for me, albeit feeling a bit lonely without his presence in the morning.

This week is different. It is my turn to send the boys. I tried the route last week. It took me 15 minutes to reach the teacher's house so I assumed the short drive would be a breeze. To my horror of horrors, the first day of the week greeted me with a massive traffic jam of more than an hour for such a short trip! I panicked and the boys were about half an hour late for their tuition.

From now onwards, I'm sending the boys to their tuition class an hour earlier. It does not matter that the trip took 15 minutes or 75 minutes. At least, I am sure that they will be there on time if not early. And they enjoy playing at the teacher's house before the class starts anyway.

This is the beginning of a life of being a chauffeur....

Quietly Growing Up

Sometimes it is hard to imagine that my boys were born 7 and 8 years ago. The first years of their lives were filled with dramatic physical and mental growth. The physical growth was very obvious in the first two years when they grew from dependent infants, to crawling babies, to walking toddlers, and then to running boys.

As they reached the primary school years though, we stopped to notice their physical growth. It seems like they are no longer growing as fast as they should, until we found out that their pants are getting shorter. Even the mental growth is not much noticed, as conversation with the boys become more intelligent day by day, and we start to take their intelligence for granted.

This makes me a bit worried about my boys. Are they growing up alright? Will they be independent children? Is their mother pampering them too much? Will they be able to help around the house and manage themselves well, especially after the baby is born, when mommy no longer have the time to fuss over them? Well, as the baby is getting bigger in my tummy, with me getting lazier, out of sudden, the boys go through another spurt of growth. That of independence.

X wakes up in the morning with a mental alarm clock in his head, sometimes even before I have a chance to make his breakfast. He even learns to make his own breakfast. This is a great surprise to mummy. And W is determined to improve his studies, asking me to send him to tuition everyday of the week until he finishes school. This come from someone who enjoy relaxing in front of the TV in the mornings before going to school.

Over the weekend, the boys were so motivated to get the new Prince of Persia Lego that they agreed to help mommy with the houseworks. And suddenly, we realized that they are able to make the bed, fold clothes, take the clothes from the dryer, wash the dishes, clean the table and floor after dinner and other mundane houseworks that mommy has been doing day in and day out. With great determination, I decide to keep some of them as the boys' permanent chores, as I would need to train them to help me when the baby arrives.

And you can't help feeling that they are really growing up when they start to have their own stand and principle and try to negotiate with their parents regarding anything and everything that they can think of. Today, X, who is going through a new spurt of physical growth recently, wants to negotiate with mommy and daddy to increase his pocket money by 2 folds! Knowing mommy's weakness, he is claiming that he gets hungry during recess and after school before mommy fetch him. So, he reasons that he would need the increment to buy food plus an extra to save. He even assures mommy that he is not trying to cheat mommy's money to increase his own savings!

Well, the discussion is being pushed to tonight, to include daddy and little brother, as we are a democratic family. Hmm, seems like I need to polish up my negotiation skills from now onwards....

Farewell and Welcome!

Seems like it just happened yesterday. Four of us taking an overnight train to meet and welcome you into our family. It was an exciting day for all of us and driving you home for the next 4 hours was a joy. Even though the joy was tainted by your butt being hit by a small stone and you bore that mark for the rest of the time you were with us.

Throughout the last four years, you have been with us through thick and thin. You helped us move to our new house, joined us in joy and pain, went through birth and death with us and never let us down when we needed to rush to the doctor's, when the boys were sick. You have been more than a part of the family as you joined the boys' journey through their pre-school years.

Today, as our family is growing bigger, we have to let you go reluctantly. The last four-hour drive to send you away was slow and enjoyed to the fullest. With a heavy heart, we are trading you with a larger seating capacity car.

The only souvenir that we have from you is the ashtray taken from you. This is in the hope that your owner will not smoke when driving you. May you have a wonderful new owner as we continue our journey of life with our new ride.

Goodbye Civic, Hello Freed!

Anxious Anxious

It has been an anxious morning for me. It was the very first time I really drove my new car. How did I handle it? Okay? Am I gentle enough with the car? Could I take care of this car? As we reached our destination, which was about 10 minutes(!) away, I was face with another form of anxiety.

W was going to a tuition class for the first time in his entire life! How would it be like? Both mother and child were as anxious as you can imagine. It was an entirely new different world. W was reluctant to go into the house, even with his friend coaxing him.

After dad left, and when the teacher arrived, we were forced to go into the house to discuss with teacher about the tuition class. We talked for about quarter of an hour and W decided to stay in the living room, out of the way of all the children. The mommy and child talk didn't help much until a phone call to daddy made all the difference.

We transferred to the tuition room with W and mommy sitting at the corner, observing how the class went. Hmm, felt like we were being punished by the teacher at the corner of the class. When the teacher went for a toilet break, mommy took the opportunity to accompany W to sit with his friend and had a look at his tuition book.

It was a good opportunity! As teacher came back into the room, mommy was banished to the corner of the room again while W joined the rest of the class. At first he was cautious and didn't response much. As the morning came to an end, he was his own self again. Talking and laughing loudly. Even yawning loudly!

Mommy retreated into the living room during the break to allow W and his teacher more freedom. And to my great surprise, at the end of the session, W wanted to join the tuition classes every day of the week instead of twice a week.

I would say it was a successful end to an anxious morning!

Two Firsts In a Day, Again!

Today has been a happy and sad day for me. In my entire life, I experienced two firsts in the same day. My first facial treatment and my first weight problem. Me? Weight problem? Never heard of that, until today, that is!

This morning, as I waited for my boys to finish their iCamp session, I braved myself to try a facial treatment at a famous beauty salon. Imagine how much the price will be when the toilet papers that they use are more expensive than those at your home!

All in all, I had a wonderful albeit expensive facial treatment. Being treated by a pair of gentle hands made me ashamed of my own rough hands, though. I was even floating on air when my mother commented that my skin actually glows today!

Then all the glows drained out to become a pale, bloodless skin. This happened immediately after I stepped on the weighing scale in my mother's room. The reading confirmed what I suspected all along. And this is what I fear....

I'm having a weight problem for the first time in my entire life! I'm gaining too much weight. I'm supposed to gain a total of 10kg throughout the pregnancy, with a maximum of 1.5kg this month. But I have already chalked up at least 4kg! How am I supposed to limit my weight gain to 6kg for the rest of the pregnancy? What should I do? As far as I'm concerned, I'm not eating that much to warrant such a weight gain? Where did all the weight go to? Am I carrying a twin after all? It seems that my tummy is way too big for 17 weeks. What am I going to do next?

Aargh! I'm going crazy thinking of the weight that I'm carrying. Can't wait till Monday to ask the doctor's advice on my diet. Boys, please help me to control what and how much I eat. I don't want to be a fatty bom bom!

License To Trade

My faint interest in the stock market started when I was in secondary school. Occasionally, I would glanced at the stock market page when I read the newspapers. Checking out the stock market in general, looking at the exchange rates as well as the price of gold. That was about 20 years ago. Nothing heavy, except browsing and sometimes not even understanding what the figures meant. Just that you could either make or lose money out of the stock market. As I went to tertiary education and subsequently joined the workforce, my interest fickle on and off according to my mood.


Now, once more, as I ponder how to increase my net worth without much toiling and working hard, I turn to the stock market for inspiration. Someone once told me that too much cash sitting around may not mean a good thing. Hmm, how should I make my hard-earned money work harder for me?

I have considered a few options like savings accounts, fixed deposits, gold account, property, unit trusts, and stock market. I am still learning and looking for more information about all these investment vehicles. I have been doing the same things for the past few years, even though I don't have any spare cash to invest. I read and read and read, until I itch to try my hands in all these investments vehicles. At least they are more interesting than pure accounting.

I have tried savings account, fixed deposits and unit trusts. At the moment, I dare not say that my financial management skill is up to mark. I am still at the learning stage. Should I add investment in the stock market as part of my learning portfolio? What if I lose instead of make more money? After all, at the end of the day, investing in stock market is still a form of gambling. No matter how much information you have.

After much pondering and procrastination, I finally made the move to open a trading account today, without the financing facility, though. At least, I make sure I don't borrow to invest. With this license to trade on hand now, I am not sure how long it will take me to decide to take the next step to start dribbling in the stock market.

One day, one week, one month, one year, or one lifetime?

That's Fast!

The baby was due to be born on 23 June 2010. Mild contractions started in the morning after the weekly check-up. The doctor said that the baby was not ready to be born yet.

By noon, the contractions were felt about every 10 minutes. Aunt was summoned to counter check if it is really contractions. This can't be! We still have a week to go. The mother is not ready. She still need to attend a full-moon party, a father's day dinner and taking the two older children to watch Toy Story 3.

After much confirmation from aunt that it were indeed contractions, the mother immediately set to hand over her office works to her colleagues before going home, after office hours, to take a quick shower and dinner. All these were done amidst shorter and more painful contractions.

Uncle helped to drive mother to hospital to check if indeed the baby was really ready to be borne. Mother was checked into hospital while uncle went home to have his dinner. After dinner, uncle called the hospital to check the mother's status and was in total shocked to hear that the baby was borne within two hours of reaching the hospital! Are you sure? Is it the same mother and baby that we were talking about?

Indeed, the baby is too anxious to meet most of our relatives this weekend. Somehow he knows that everyone will be here for the full-moon party. So, he took the opportunity to present himself as well! Clever you.

I pray to God that I may also have such express delivery. May you grow up to be a healthy boy!

iCamp 14 June to 18 June 2010

When we were children, camping meant going to jungle with a group of boy scouts or girl guides. Nowadays, camping has taken a different meaning. Today, my boys went to iCamp. Their very first out-of-school activity. It's a computer-related camp, set in the concrete jungle of a shopping centre.

It was a first separation between mother and boys other than them going to school and grandma's house. In my opinion, mother has the separation anxiety instead of the boys. Imagine my reaction when W asked me to leave them alone at the iCamp, instead of accompanying them till the session starts! The image of them clinging to their mom while crying and screaming immediately melted away. It really showed that my boys are indeed growing up.

Mother is reduced to roaming around the shopping centre while waiting for the children to finish their 3 hour session. Sometimes a peek or two at the boys were met with no response. Glad that the boys were enjoying their iCamp.

Looking forward to the rest of the week!

World Cup 2010

Seems like 11 June 2010 is a first for more than one thing. Other than the tooth filling, it is also the first time my boys are aware of the World Cup. We were all excited as early as the opening ceremony. The excitement builded up when the match between South Africa and Mexico started. The boys supported South Africa since it is the host, so dad decided to support Mexico and mom said that it would be a draw.

Mexico had most of the ball possession during the first half of the match. The boys were very anxious that Mexico will score the first goal. Shoutings can be heard, especially when there were near goals. This was despite the fact that we were approaching midnight. Well, we reached a goalless half-time. The boys were reluctant to leave the TV set even though we explained that 15 minutes are for everyone to have a break.

The second half started with not much fanfare and it made mom almost fall asleep. The boys went all excited again when South Africa scored an unexpected goal from a somewhat boring game. From that minute onwards, the game picked up and it was dad's turn to be anxious as we approached full-time. Then, Mexico equalized the score and dad was hopeful that Mexico would finally win the match.

However, we reached the end of the match with mom as the winner as both country scored one goal each. The boys were reluctant to go to sleep and wanted to watch the match between France and Uruguay. After much persuasion, they resolved to wake up two hours later to catch the live match.

They ended up waking up at 830am to catch the rerun of the match. And both boys were as excited as when they watched the first match. They watched the whole match and recorded the score on the poster that we put up. Tonight, we are going to watch the match between South Korea and Greece together with our Korean friend. And, for today's activity, they are playing football in the bedroom instead of fighting crime.

We hope that the interest in football will last beyond World Cup and beyond their childhood. Go, boys, go!

X's First Dental Fillings

We went to the boys' semi-annual dental check-up today. I was feeling a bit tensed as W was quite reluctant to let the dentist have a look at his teeth. X came to the rescue when he willingly sat on the dentist's chair without even raising an eyebrow. This is a real encouragement to little brother.

W was peering through the dentist's shoulder throughout his brother's check-up, checking out any negative reaction from his brother whenever the dentist poke strange tools into his brother's mouth. X's cool demeanor really made W wanted to sit on the dentist's chair as well.

While the dentist brushed X's teeth and took out germs from his teeth, I keep telling W that we need the dentist to clean our teeth for us and take out any bad germs so that we can keep our teeth till we are old. Why am I not surprise that this round X need a filling on his teeth? It will be his first tooth filling ever.

As it turned out, W's teeth need not any filling or scaling. The dentist just need to use a cotton gauze to clean his two front teeth. Hope the scaling and filling will be a good lesson for the boys to take good care of their teeth from now onwards.

And just when I wanted to go for a snack after the dentist visit, the boys vow not to eat junk food (which is good) and any other food (horror of horrors!) other than the three main meals!!!! Am I going to far in encouraging them to take good care of their teeth??

Influence Of TV

TVs are everywhere. Nowadays, we even have LCD, LED and 3D TVs. Not to mention those that are HDs ready and IPTV. With so many TVs and choices around us, we can't help ourselves but to watch them at least once a day. Both adults and children are glued to the TV no matter what it is showing. We have to be wise in making choices of the program that we watch, because like it or not, whatever we watch will influence us in a way or other.

The current generation start watching TV when they are only a few months old. Parents/guardians get to choose the program that the children watch, be it adult program or children program. Toddlers are familiar with characters like Chuggington, Thomas, Big Bird, Mickey and Minnie Mouse, while those of Ben Ten, Spiderman, Superman, Teen Titans are more popular with pre-schoolers. Our daily lives revolve around those characters. Children wants clothes, bags, stationeries, cutleries and toys relating to their favourite characters. Adults have to be familiar with those characters in order to communicate well with the children.

What happen to reading books? Are they out of fashion already? Well, in order to keep up with what is on TV, publishers need to publish books/comics that are adapted from TV or movies. This will ensure brisk sales of the books. Some even have the cheek to publish books that do not add value to children. Most important criteria is to publish books that sell!

How about our classics? Books by famous authors that were read by generations? Authors like Enid Blyton and Roald Dahl? Whenever we go to bookshop, our boys will ignore endless call for them to even have a glance at books written by all these authors. They will immediately search for the latest books that are adapted from the latest movies, like Shrek and Prince of Persia. The only thing that stop them from buying is their father's condition of buying a book not of comic nature.

At the end of the day, it is up to the parents to control what the children watch or read. At the very most, parents need to teach and guide their children to make wise choices when watching TV or reading books. I'm glad that my boys are starting to learn to choose books outside of the TV circle, even though they are not classics. Books like Geronimo Stilton and Mr. Midnight sure are a step away from TV related books. The only setback is I need to read them too because they want to discuss their readings. Hmm, guess my reading list is growing longer....

Mother Or Monster

I'm a list person. I list out everything I want to do, every food I want to cook, everything I plan to buy, every book I want to read, every activity I plan to do with the boys during the school holiday. Even though I have moved away from the physical list, I'm still very much a list person in my mind.

For this school holiday, I have planned the activities that I want to do with the boys, down to the very hour. AND I don't like change. At least, I need a twenty-four hour notice. Being faced with rejection and change of plan first thing in the morning on the first day of the holidays plunge me into a foul mood. I need time to adjust and plan a new schedule for the next two days. It doesn't help that I'm being criticized of my predicament due to my own non-initiative to confirm the plan.

The woman who planned to be a wonderful mother during the two weeks of school holidays turn to a monster who growls at her children for the smallest things that they have done or have not done. "Fold blanket! Drink water! Why you spill the water?! Drink your milk!" Comments of over-reaction belted out to me was met with more contempt and the cloud of mood turns darker.

After some food managed to fill the stomach, the brain began to think more rationally. Hmm, it's okay. We'll just swap our plan for today and tomorrow. Relax, darling. The children won't notice anything missing from their activities list.

And thus, as the change in plan has been accepted with a willing heart, the green monster once again turn back into a wonderful mother! I hope....

The Morning is Mine!

I am a morning person. I don't wake up in the wee hours of the morning but I like my mornings, especially Sunday mornings. I like to spend it alone, when no one in the household is awake yet. And I'm very jealous if any of the boys wake up before me. It robs me of my tranquil morning. Somehow I NEED to be the first one to be awake!

I need to spend the morning alone, having my own breakfast, reading my book, doing my needlework or any other nonsensical activities that I enjoy, even though I do the same things day in and day out. Somehow, doing them on Sunday mornings, alone, give a different meaning to my ritual of life. Anyone who spoil my Sunday mornings by being loud and intruding my lonesome world will spoil my whole Sunday and make me moody throughout the day, which will affect the whole family, even if all of us has an enjoyable day out.

This morning, the jealousy almost creep into me when X woke up before me. Thank God that just after breakfast with X and W, both boys went to play at their friend's house. Aah! What peaceful morning, spending it reading, doing my cross-stitch and listening to classical music. When the boys were back from their morning lung exercise, I have spent my quiet time in my own way and more than welcome to have them back.

This is what I called a perfect Sunday morning!