Do Unto Others What You Want To Be Done Unto You

Yesterday I met a new friend on my newly joined Yoga class. While persuading me to join their Buddhist group, she shared with me on her parenting technique which is based on Buddhist teaching. One of the things that she mentioned was to do unto others what you want to be done unto you and vice versa. And this statement got me thinking....

I have been practising the exact same ideology in my life except to one person. Someone who I am wary of but whom I am forced to live together with. It seems that I couldn't bring myself to practise this ideology to this person for fear of being taken as a fool and be bullied over and over again. In the past, I have been trying, albeit little by little, to treat this person a wee bit better, only to be lashed back with bullying action. I may be oversensitive about feeling that I was being bullied but I couldn't help bracing myself for the worst every time this particular person say or do something. Anything. The feeling of distrust is so great that I have to build a wall between myself and this person, by not having any possible communication. I told myself I am protecting myself from getting hurt again and again.

And yet, by doing this, I am plagued with guilt. The guilt of not being a good person. I made myself the perpetrator and this person is the victim. I hate myself for being the bad guy and I think that I am not a good person but at the same time I could not bring myself to change to treat this person better. It is a vicious cycle of bracing myself against this person, closing myself off to this person, feeling guilty for being the bad guy and blaming this person for making me the bad guy.

How do I get out from this cycle? Do I start to practise the above ideology even on this person? Do I expose and risk myself of getting hurt again? Will I be able to break the cycle? Should I stick my head out once more to see what happen?

Let's see.

Happy New Year, Happy New Me

How time flies. It is 2014 already. This is my fourteenth year as a wife and thirteenth year as a mother. In the midst of making resolutions what do we, as a woman, always think of first? Family, family, and family.

However, this year I believe it is truly the year that I get to find myself again, after 'enslaving' myself to the new member of our family for the past 3 years! Now that she is going to preschool, I have more time to do the things that I want to do instead of the things that I need to do. So, what are the things that I really, really want to do in 2014? I suppose it may not be something that will be meaningful to other people. In fact, it may not even have an ounce of chance to change the world for a better place. However, I am sure it will be something that is meaningful to me:

1. Fitness: As I have been getting on and off the fitness wagon for the past few years, I feel that this year I really need to buff up my fitness regime. I have lost 2 days already, as it is. No more excuses, especially in the morning, when the children are in school.

2. Finance: I need to get more organized and informed in my investment and budgeting information. Should I read more on this?

3. Cooking: Hmm, guess I need to do more research on cooking vegetarian food at home. Also, I am planning to cook better and bake more so that my children get more nutritious home cooked food. The most important thing is not to feel let down when no one wants to eat my food. A point to remember is it is not about me or my food. It is just that they are not a good eater.

4. Reading: My target this year is to read more and faster. I have accumulating enough unread books to fill a whole bookshelf. Should I change my reading style?

5. Personal: I would like to spend more time beautify myself this year. Learning more about makeup and hairstyle even though I hate them. I have to look well groomed wherever I go. So, this is one thing that I have to do what I have to do for myself. Sigh!

6. House: As much as I would like to spruce up how my house look, I have to admit I am bad at interior design and decorating. So, more reading on this, I guess. And trial and error....

7. Gardening: Again, this is one area that I am still struggling to excel in after all these years.  Sorry, plants, if by any chance, any of you have to sacrifice under my apprenticeship to better myself in gardening. For this, I have to visit nurseries and gardening centres more frequently as reading does not help much.

8. Needlework: My favourite thing to do, even though I have not been doing it in years. Need to brush up my skills and try to include more handicraft, if time permits. On top of that, one thing that I would like to look into is how to teach needlework to young children. So, am I qualify to teach if I am not good in needlework myself?

9. Voluntary Work: This has been in my mind for the longest time. Since I am not working, I was and still am thinking to do some voluntary work on weekday mornings. Procrastination won and I am still in Ground Zero. Guess have to take the first step this year.

10. Social: I guess I have to get out of my comfort zone and be anti-antisocial. As much as I hate to talk to people, I have to force myself to do this. Why? Why? I do not feel comfortable in this. One thing for sure is I will not strive to better my relationship with people I find difficult, especially those that are trying to make my life miserable. I will remain in my own cocoon.

So, do I need to divide myself into 10 or make 10 copies of myself to make all the above possible. Let us sit back and see. No! We can not possibly sit back. Let us take some action and review this again when the year ends.

Hope the happy new year will become the happy new me!

Where Am I?

I was me when I was first born in a small town. I was a baby.

I am a girl.
I am a daughter.
I am a grand daughter.
I am a niece.
I am a cousin.
I am a sister.
I am a friend.
I am a woman.
I am a confidante.
I am an aunt.
I am, I am.

I was a student.
I was a worker.
I was an employee.
I was, I was.

I am a lover.
I am a wife.
I am a mother.
I am a cook.
I am a housekeeper.
I am a driver.
I am a neighbour.
I am an administrator.
I am, I am.

I am a consumer.
I am a client.
I am a customer.
I am, I am.

But who am I? Where am I?
Where is the me that was first born in a small town?
Who? Where?

I am a stranger.
I am, I am.

Precious, Precious Gold

Recently the price of gold has sky rocketed to the extend that laymen like us decide to invest in gold savings accounts. Even banks are jumping into the bandwagon, offering gold savings accounts to the average joes on the street.

In reflecting the price of precious metals as gold, I realize that other than precious metals, there are other things in our lives that are more precious than precious, precious metals.

As we grow older, we will realize that:

Time is precious,
Love is precious,
Family is precious,
Father is precious,
Mother is precious,
Siblings are precious,
Spouse is precious,
Children are precious,
Grandparents are precious,
True friends are precious,
Old friends are precious,
Golden memories are precious.

And we could not buy all this like we buy gold. However, we can invest in them, unlike investing in gold. We can spend more time with our precious, and appreciate our precious and let our precious know that they are precious.

And I am sure at the end of the day, the value of our precious are much, much higher than any precious metals in the world!

Overflow

Time flies. Everything is overflowing and in abundance except time. It has been six months since my last blog!

Baby's diapers overflow,
Waiting to be changed,
Laundry overflow,
Waiting to be laundered,
Clean clothes overflow,
Waiting to be folded,
Wrinkled clothes overflow,
Waiting to be ironed,
Old clothes overflow,
Waiting to be sorted,
Documents overflow,
Waiting to be filed,
Receipts overflow,
Waiting to be recorded,
Sewings overflow,
Waiting to be mended,
Needlework projects overflow,
Waiting to be sewed,
New books overflow,
Waiting to be wrapped,
All book overflow,
Waiting to be read,
Book shelves overflow,
Waiting to be organized,
Games overflow,
Waiting to be played,
Flour overflow,
Waiting to be baked,
Fat overflow,
Waiting to be melted through exercises,
Children overflow,
Waiting to be loved,
Friends and family overflow,
Waiting to be connected again.

There are so much things to do, yet so little time to do it. Whoever said a housewife has all the time in the world is so wrong. Guess I need to focus, focus and focus, to do one thing at a time and enjoy it together with my family as much as I can.

Happy Birthday!

We are a going to be a family of five in two weeks time. Coincidentally, our birthdays fall within 6 weeks of each other. X's birthday falls on the last week of October, DH and my birthdays are two weeks after that (3 days difference), we are expecting our baby girl two weeks after our birthday and W's birthday is approximately two weeks after our baby's expected delivery date!

Every year we try to spend our birthdays together, normally around DH and my birthday. This year, as DH's birthday fell on a long weekend, we decided to spend our weekend relaxing at a nearby hotel as I could not travel far, with my big tummy and all.

We ended up going to a lakeside hotel, booking a lake-view room with balcony through the internet. A blunder in the hotel's system caused us our room for the night, the rooms being fully booked by a big group. The good people in the hotel decided to upgrade us to a suite, with a bigger balcony, facing the lake. The suite came equipped with two TVs and a sophisticated coffee machine. What a birthday present!

However, when we tried to take bath at night, we found that the hot water in the bathroom was not working. After waiting for the housekeeping staff for more than half an hour, we decided to take bath with the cold water. Luckily for us, the water was not that cold, because it has been naturally warmed by the sun.

On the second day there, we went to the cinema and shopping centre nearby the hotel. Then, we lazed around the pool. The children, enjoying themselves, playing in the pool, while DH and I read and snoozed. As I could no longer fit into my swimsuit, I decided to try the jacuzzi in our room later in the evening. Alas! To my dismay, the jacuzzi was not working. However, the hotel staff had fixed the hot water, so at least we had hot water to use on our second day there.

Again, we lazed around the hotel in the evening. And on the third day, after breakfast, we walked around the place, admiring the scenery and the serene tranquility that gave us peace of mind, refreshing ourselves before our baby's arrival in two weeks time.

Next year, there will be five of us, celebrating our birthdays together....

I Am Still A Nice Girl

Few days ago, I decided to consciously be a bitch in order to solve my current issue. As I am someone who always run away instead of facing any impending issue heads-on, I have been playing out the scene that I want to act out throughout the last few days. This is to prepare myself for my confrontation today.

However, this morning, by the grace of God, I am saved from being a bitch. I was not given the chance to confront my adversary. When I told DH about my plan, he asked me not to worry too much and he will and has taken care of the situation. He will monitor the situation and take charge of everything while I can give birth to my baby peacefully and have a good rest. His love and protectionism have put me at ease, at least temporarily, with the current situation. Let us just hope that there will be no nasty surprise when the time comes.

Now I can be at peace and start my countdown to the day I welcome my baby girl. May God bless her and let her have an easy entrance to this world.

3 more weeks to D day....